Thinking... And not.

So after watching 7 episodes of the O.C., I'm taking a break from mind-numbing absorption in the lives of fictional characters in a land of sun and drama. Earlier today, I was talking to my friend at school and I was thinking a lot. In the craziness of the past month or so, I haven't really had much of a chance to think. Not for real, I mean, though the last couple reflection papers I wrote made me realize that I've been thinking quite a lot over this semester without really knowing it.

Or maybe it's just that now I have some semblance of my own time again, the mind is churning. Today, we had the last day of our reading buddies program and it was really, very bittersweet. I spent time yesterday making up cards for my students and photocopying their favorite poems out of my book for them each to have a mini collection, and today at the school, we had a breakfast celebration honoring each one of them and all their hard work. They, in turn, each spoke about us and smiles and hugs were shared all around. I'm really going to miss them and at times, it was a struggle, but it was definitely well worth it. I think I've learned as much if not more this semester from this experience as I have from some of my classes. Makes me excited about next year.

Actually, the past few days have really been a bit sad, but good. I had the last class of my two favorite classes this semester and it was a great way to end the semester. I have another class still next Tuesday, but I really feel like it's come to a close already. In one of my classes, we were asked the all-time favorite "So what?" question about all the things we've talked about. In response, a guest to our class and one of my classmates made the same great point--the "so what" is that we all have gained new perspectives about literacy, youth, learning, teaching, research and many other things and we will carry it with us wherever we go, whatever we do. In a very odd way, I feel that this semester has really influenced me, affected me, inspired me, whatever you want to call it, and that what I have learned has really become a part of me. It's cheesy, but really--it's not the things I've learned in terms of things to know; it's ways of looking at the world, and especially the world of teaching and learning.

In a funny way, I feel like the end is drawing near but it's also the beginning of much, much more. I'm just not sure exactly what or how. All I could tell my friend today was that the distinct feeling is that my work is not done yet--and far from it. It's not that something-looming-over-your-head feeling at all, though. Quite the opposite; the possibilities seem endless.

A favorite quote from my reading this semester goes: "It is in the transgression of boundaries between schools, communities, and students' lives where 'youths' sense of possibility, imagination, social critique, outrage, despair, aesthetics, and social action lie'" (Weis & Fine, 2000 in Wissman, 2003). I return to it over and over and over again and I remember this is why I do what I do.

On that note, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm doing with my blog and how I'm going to continue my learning and exploration after I leave school. I want to keep reading and reflecting and discussing my thoughts, and I've considered starting a separate blog to keep track of my own academic/research inquiry journey. But then I wonder whether I can really, truly separate my life and my experiences into personal and professional without compromising something on both sides. I've asked the question of why we ask our students to leave so much of themselves at the door when they step into our classrooms. How then could I honestly pretend to leave parts of myself at the door as I launch into my career as an educator?

So.. the long and short of it is that this blog may at times jump from "what I did this weekend" to "what I think about a dissertation I'm reading on youth movie-making" as I experiment and puzzle through all this in my mind. Those who have spent even a limited amount of time talking to me won't be surprised at all, but I felt a fair warning was in order. Cheers and good night.