The things we tell children...

When I was young, my mom told me that if I swallowed my bubble gum, a bubble gum tree would grow out of the top of my head. Needless to say, I believed her.

Of course, that's why parents do it -- tell their kids crazy things, that is. It's like a game to see how far they can pull you into an imaginary world of their making. It's all fun and games, but man, sometimes that world is twisted.

Recent crazy thing told to a child #1
The vice principal at my school gleefully told us a story over lunch the other day:

"You know so-and-so kid?"

"The really clueless one?"

"Yeah, the kind of slow one."

"Yeah, I know who you mean. What about him?"

"The other day, I asked him if he knew who I was."

"Did he?"

"Yes, he said, 'Vice Principal'. So then I asked him what my last name was..."

"Uh oh. And he said 'Vice'?"

"Exactly. Haha. But then I went on and asked him why he never says hi to me in the mornings when he sees me at the gate. I told him that he should and asked him to remember to do it every day. Of course, he nodded his head and said yes, but then I asked him to pinky swear on it. I told him that he'd better remember because he pinky swore on it and if he forgot, then his pinky finger would get smaller and smaller."

"Did he believe you??"

"Of course! SO much fun!"

Recent crazy thing told to a child #2
As I was waiting to cross the street, I overheard a grandmother talking to a young boy:

"Look over there! Police men! You'd better be good or they'll take out their guns and shoot you."

"What if they miss?"

"Then they'll shoot again."

"What if I run away?"

"Then they'll chase you and shoot you."

"What if I get back home?"

[The light changed at that moment but I suspect you can guess the response...]